your room smells of hookers.
And success
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
