I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
