There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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