but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
