you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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