You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
