We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
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my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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