My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My vagina is officially offended.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
