remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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