So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
