Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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