When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
