mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
