Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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