At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
