Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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