Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
