im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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