the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
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