I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
