Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
