someone get that fucking seahorse.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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