Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
