First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
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