Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
