Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
