OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
