I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
