The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
