well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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