Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
