I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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