WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
