Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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