He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Even my vagina gasped.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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