I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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