Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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