i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
