At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
