he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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