Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
