Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Randomize
