trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
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herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
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WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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