Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
