i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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