Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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