thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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