I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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