Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
