So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
