I'm passing your future prison.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
