Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
