she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
