im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
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I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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