I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
