Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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