Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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