I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
